Hi Karen,
I was just reading your post and congrats for the new addition to your family! - so wonderful!
I was distressed to hear of your issues with your young man - but hang in ther ok! We struggled on for years in main stream with Winston, wondering if we had done the right thing for him! At one stage he spent more time at a desk outside the Headmasters office than in class (which broke my heart) and I was called away from work every other day dealing with "meltdowns"!! .... however it is all paying off, the meltdowns are now infrequent (usually caused by a classmate looking for a "rise" to break the boredom of the day, thankfully the teachers recognise this!) and Winston now talks about his "recovery time" from anger/frustration episodes and how he is so proud of himself that it is improving!!. He is learning to manage himself really well! Of course it remains to be no easy task and I still worry about high school demands (he is now in year 6). He has just got a part in the school production (singing and acting on stage - a HUGE committment for him) I am sooo proud of him and constantly tell him how special he and other kids like him are!! He is also a computer room monitor ( a very sought after postion that he had to apply for - CV and all!! I really really think that private schools are the perfect place for kids like ours in main stream - bullying is much less - there are currently 3 ASD kids in Winstons year level so he is not the odd man out. He gets invited to outings and birthday parties and the boys simply accept him as quirky and different but with alot to offer (he is a nerdy kid with exceptional computer skills!!).
I think everyones experiences are sooo different and you will need to take a risk one day at a time. My experiences are extremely positive in the private school system but I am sure there would be others who would say no. Oh also Winston is in a class of 16 which is a real bonus. We are also about to invest in a cheap laptop so he can do most of his schoolwork that way ( writing is a real problem for him despite serious intervention from OT's). He takes his ipad on a Friday already (which he saved up and purchased himself!!) and has done some amazing comprehention on it (his reading and comprehention age has been measured at about 20y/o). I believe whatever it takes to give our very very special chidren the best possible start as I truly believe that they will be the future geniuses of our country. We dont give Winston any quater though! - we make him behave and fit in because in the "real world" people will not make allowances. We are very upfront with him though and explain the consequences of all choices he makes (it is hard to let him make some of his own choices but an important milestone). I hope we are doing the right thing - but I suppose only time will tell!!! We are very very satisfied so far!
Hope this helps! Hang in there ok and have faith in your awsome son!! he is stronger than you may think and probably knows exactly what is going on.... lots of cuddles always helps!
Cheers,
Sharon