Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jacqueline Fox on May 24, 2011 at 22:13

Hi There, even with your use of really big words I think that none of what you have written is actually helpful to me or my son (with Aspergers) but thank you for your opinion. There are many aspects of ASD which can mimic behavioural problems if seen in isloation and without a thorough understanding of what it is actually like to live with a child who is living with this condition. I am so grateful to those doctors and therapists who see that my son has challenges and who dedicate their time to helping me assist him in navigating through a world where people do not accept that there are things about him which he cannot change (and thank God for that as I wouldnt change him for anything in the world). I hope that you can spend some time here reading the stories of families and that you may discover some stratergies that you can use to assist your cousin and her little boy.

Permalink Reply by John William Tapscott on June 3, 2011 at 21:17

My grandson has not been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome because his father did not want him to be labelled. He is now 18 years old. Better he should be diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome than to be labelled an antisocial lout, which he appears to be but is not. He is incapable of recognising so many social signals that most people take for granted.

I spent some time teaching children on the autistic spectrum. They are not only wired differently from most other people but also differently from each other. I have no problem with this because I don't think any 2 "normal" people are the same anyway. A quote I saw recently, but can't give the source, says, "If a child can't learn the way you teach, teach the way he learns." My approach to educating any child is to determine what the child can do, what skills he or she already has, then to decide what is the next step. I work from a positive position and not within any kind of deficit model.

My grandson struggled at school until he eventually dropped out. If he had been diagnosed with anything he would have been able to take advantage of the Special Education resources available in most school systems. Had this been so he may have been further ahead than he now is. When he eventually dropped out of school he found work as an apprentice chef but had no idea of the demands of holding a job. He came to live with us 6 months ago and tried to find work in this area as an apprentice chef. He was employed casually by two or 3 places but because they didn't understand him, his offhand way of relating to people and his basic shyness he wasn't called back. Eventually I suggested he visit a local mushroom farm only 5 min walk from this house. They took him on as a harvest assistant, trained him, and because I explained his situation, they make an allowance for his different social skills. He earns good money for an 18 year old and his employers are sympathetic and caring. As a result he is a valued member of their staff.

There is a long way to go with this young man. He still has to learn sensible use of alcohol, which is difficult because when he is affected by alcohol all his feelings of shyness and inhibitions disappear. He once, on a day off, bought a slab of stubbies from the local tavern and proceeded to drink them one after the other. He was not home at the time and eventually wandered to the premises of a local spoting club, broke a glass door, entered and caused considerable damage. The management of the club called me and explained they wanted to give him a chance, and rather than calling the police they wanted him to pay for the damage and clean off the graffiti he left and for 3 of their meetings to be available to perform odd jobs. It took him some time to pay off the damage but he has since learned a few more positive social attitudes.

We are teaching him to drive and hope and pray when he is allowed out on the public road on his own he will have developed an understanding of responsible road use.

When he was about 7 years old his parents separated and eventually divorced. During the first year of the separation, he and his younger sister lived with us. Their father was suspicious that we were wanting to take the children off him but neither he nor our daughter were in any position to care for the children at the time. After a year the children went to live with their mother but were unable to cope with her new partner and left to live with their other grandparents. The other parents provided food and shelter but precious little else. There was no direction in manners, social graces, how to get on with others, moral direction or anything else in that area.

Our grandson fell out with his other grandparents and was no longer welcome in their home and his sister left to live with her father.

I think more than anything children on the autistic spectrum need to live in a predictable environment with effective boundaries. As they develop greater social confidence and learn social skills, ("please" and "thank you" are a good start) and come to understand the needs and rights of other people in the family and community, it is possible to relax the boundaries. After his episode with the alcoholic fuelled vandalism I asked the proprietor of the local tavern not to serve our grandson alcohol. This was a necessary boundary which, as he develops more responsibility in this area, I will relax. The tavern is the only liquor outlet in the area. He has 20km - 30km north or south to walk before he can get to another liquor outlet.

The final outcome is far from guaranteed. This is the general case in education anyway. We give the children as much as we can but a point arrives when we have to let them go and lead their own life. While we can pray for help when we are raising our children there comes that point when all we can do is pray.

Permalink Reply by John William Tapscott on August 16, 2011 at 9:47

Asperger's Syndrome can be very frustrating. In the first place, I would agree that it is not a disability. However, individuals with AS seem to be wired a little differently from everyone else when it comes to their perception of the world. My grandson does not have the diagnosis but I bet he certainly has the condition. We live on the Granite belt in QLD. Recently my grandson was returning from Newcastle by train and bus. We had to collect him from the bus at Tenterfield. As we drove out our gate we received a phone call from him to tell us he was in Glen Innes. When the bus stopped there he got off to go to the toilet, not thinking to tell the driver. Consequently the bus left without him and we had to go to Glen Innes to get him, an extra 200km on the round trip. This sort of apparent thoughtlessness on the part of people with AS is quite common and can be addressed by special educators as early as the diagnosis is made. In my grandson's case no diagnosis was allowed by his father, consequently he received zero special education assistance. Certainly there are social differences that are culturally based but AS cuts across all cultures. When my grandson appears to be rude I recognise that it is not intentional and a gentle correction is usually effective in changing the behaviour, in the short term, at least.

I believe the best way forward with such children involves acceptance, patience and careful instruction in social skills. I don't have any time for the kind of special "education" that uses up all its resources in creating a maze of paperwork. The best resources in special education are people with people skills and administrators with enough brains to support them and not drown them in a morass of proceduralism and compliance.